MAB Exclusive

After secretely hacking into the Minnesota Monitor's website I found this in one of their "Draft" folders:

George Bush is Richard Nixon

Report by Jeff Fecke, MinnMonitor

President Bush is well known to have difficulties giving public speeches. There are many pauses, interruptions, mistakes in giving common colloquialisms and manglings of long words. New revelations from an anonymous source at IBM have suggested a possible explanation.

Former President Richard Nixon, infamous for resigning the presidency after the Watergate scandal, died in April of 1994. Most people assumed that was the end for Nixon but according to reports, just before he died he had his memories downloaded into an IBM supercomputer at the T-REX corporate center in Boca Raton, Florida.

“In essence, they buried an empty box at the Nixon funeral, he mind was still alive in Florida,” said an anonymous source who used to work at IBM, “The state of the art Super-C-Blue-Computational-Fortranulator Computer was able to handle the mind of Nixon but it became clear we would have to upload Nixon into the brain of someone else.

“Former President G.H. Bush suggested his son could be a good vessel for Nixon, and G.W. Bush agreed. We downloaded Nixon in there and suddenly G.W. gets elected Governor of Texas. It was awesome.”

According the anonymous source the relationship between Nixon and Dubya was cordial at first but later the two would get intimate. “The mind is a weird thing, Dubya had so much empty space in his mind that Nixon could escape for days and not be heard from, but after a vacation to Hawaii they both came back with the same thoughts in their mind, they wanted to invade a country, any country.”

Despite the fact NixoBush had a unified goal, sometimes paths get crossed which, according to the anonymous source, is the reason the President sometimes has difficulty making sense in public speaking venues.

“We’re looking forward to the end of the ‘Bush’ presidency as we think they both need a break. We’re hoping with this process we can start giving everyone new life inside someone else’s brain. That, and Nixon needs to learn how to party and I think Dubya can teach him that, if we get them away from thinking about the war.”

Anonymous sources and liberal paranoia contributed to the production of this story.

Let me say here it's possible I didn't actually hack any websites and I just made the whole thing up. Very possible. Either way, after nearly a year of trying, I'm done with liberal blogs.