Everything Else
There simply isn’t enough time left in the Christmas Season to give the following gifts justice, so I’m just going to list them all without the frills:
Cheap Gifts
Cards with seeds:
Each card is generously embedded with a mix of Wildflower seeds that will grow just about anywhere. Give the card that recycles itself and keeps on giving!
You can grow these cards! Each card also has recycled envelopes. The back of the cards are printed with easy planting instructions. The paper will recycle naturally into the soil as the seedlings grow!
Cheap and sorta environmentally friendly.
Super Spork:
They said it couldn't be done! Some GENIUS has perfected something that was already perfect. That brilliant invention called The Spork has now been bested with the SUPER SPORK!
A common spork is an eating utensil with a spoon on one end and a fork on the other. But the SUPER Spork also has a knife built right in!
So now you can eat with one hand -- scooping with the spoon, stabbing with the fork, and cutting with the knife -- while your other hand does whatever it damn well pleases.
The Super Spork was made in Sweden and comes in various colors (our choice). According to the package, it was designed by the renowned Scandinavian designer Joachin Nordwall. Our stupid hats go off to you, Mr. Nordwall -- your Super Spork has now joined the Pantheon of weird eating utensils!
You just can never go wrong with sporks.
Really Expensive
Your Own Tropical Island:
Who hasn't dreamt of kicking back on a tropical island paradise?
Now you can bring The Tropical Island Hammock everywhere, e.g. in you office, in you garden, by the swimming pool.
The Tropical Island Hammock is an utterly ludicrous and totally sublime complete paradise solution.
Two artificial palm trees (over 2 meters high and UV protected) complete with very realistic Tahitian palm fronds and coconuts support a triple woven polyester double hammock.
Both the hammock and the palm trees are built to withstand all weather conditions (except perhaps typhoons), and not only does the hammock come with a rope drink caddy and pillow, the palm trees come with an integrated dual-control mist mechanism for keeping you cool on hot summer days.
The perfect gift to the man who has everything!
"This product is ordered only on customer request, and can therefore not be ordered on-line. If you wish to buy the product, you must order the product at sales@bimbambanana.com. Price, delivery, terms and conditions can be further discussed. Please note that in the case of such individual orders the consumer law does not apply and there is no return service.
Eight grand for a glorified hammock…meh
Cell phone PDA watch:
Lets get it out in the open. Here at ThinkGeek we've lusted after wristwatch cell phones before cell phones even existed. Hey, we love our iPhones... but there's something irresistible about talking Dick Tracy style into your watch. Fortunately we don't have to play favorites because the Touchscreen Cell Phone/PDA Wristwatch is an unlocked GSM cell phone. Just pop your existing sim card out of the top of your iPhone (or other GSM Cell Phone from AT&T/Cingular or T-Mobile) and insert it into the back of the watch and power it up. Call your standard cell phone number and your wrist will start ringing.
The Touchscreen Cell Phone Wristwatch has a great feature set considering it's small size. Of course you can make and receive calls (dial by pulling the tiny included stylus from the side of the watch and tapping the numbers on the screen) but you can also play MP3 files, watch movies, store hundreds of phone numbers and send SMS messages and enter schedules or notes with basic handwriting recognition. With 60 Meg of built in storage, you're not going to get tons of media onto the watch but it's sweet that it can do it. We find the volume of the built in speakerphone to be a bit low, so we recommend using the included bluetooth headset or wired headphones for best performance (any other bluetooth headset will work as well). You get two batteries, and the watch charges off of USB or the included wall adapter. Connect to USB on your computer to access the file contents of the watch in disk mode.
The website warns: Geeks Only
Ridiculously expensive pedal boat:
This is the water craft that looks like a speedboat but is pedal-powered, and provides quiet, efficient gliding through the waters of harbors, bays, ocean inlets, and lakes for up to three people. It can even be used as a tender for transportation to an offshore boat. Its durable rotomolded polyethylene hull displaces water evenly for a stable ride, and its ballasted keel provides superior tracking in windy conditions, yet the boat only draws 1' 8" of water, allowing you to paddle into shallows. The boat has an efficient, quiet, and smooth pedal crank that drives a 15" two-blade propeller for effortless movement through the water, allowing you to reach a speed of 5 1/4 M.P.H. Stopping and reverse are accomplished by pedaling backward. The r udder is controlled by a hand lever located on the right side of the cockpit, providing easy and effective turning capability; push and pull movements of the lever steer the craft left, right, or allow you to complete a 180 turn. A protective windshield and high freeboards guard against wind, waves, and water sprays, and the pedalers form-fitting recumbent seat is adjustable and fully padded for extra comfort. Ample storage space is located underneath the rear seat, and a dry shelf in the bow holds towels, cameras, or food and beverages. A transom built into the stern allows for easy re-entry after swimming. It has a built-in bilge pump and a collapsible polyester bimini top. 12' 2" L x 4' W x 54 3/4" H. (325 lbs.) ($600)
Stuff that doesn’t fit anywhere else
Dog Toilet Water Bowl:
A hilarious conversation-starter and puppy-pleaser, this water bowl keeps your pet well hydrated and your home cleverly decorated. Fill any 2 liter bottle and invert into the back tank; gravity will pull fresh water into the 6 oz. bowl as needed. High-gloss ceramic. 10½"H x 6"W x 12"D.
No comment.
Ghoul Portraits:
The subtle transformation from Victorian portrait to terrifying skeletal ghoul happens as you move by these fabulous sepia-tinted pictures, so they're a show-stopping addition for Halloween festivities. Completely original and unbelievably innovative. 10"H x 8"W.
No comment.
The Bog Monster:
It came from the toilet bowl! A hillarious practical potty joke for big time toilet laughs. Gruesome green latex rubber monster attaches with suction cups under seat and inside lid to remain hidden until lid is lifted. Then-Yikes! Look out! Up and out comes the monster! 14"H x 12½"W.
Not sure who would want this as a gift but I thought it was hilarious (and yes, I know Dave Barry wrote on it before me).
Pocket microscope:
Microscope[s] can be a pretty handy device, especially when looking at objects that are microscopic. They have been in use for nearly 400 years and have developed into some pretty sophisticated devices, such as the scanning electron microscope or even a USB microscope. With an entire universe of small stuff all around us, the microscope is a wonderful tool for investigation and exploration.
The Pocket Microscope is a powerful 60-100x magnification microscope with an extremely lightweight and portable design. It features a built-in LED light that provides a bright, clear image and a rubberized eyepiece for comfortable viewing. Fits easily in your pocket to bring with you anywhere. Great for science education, printed circuit board (PCB) inspection, jewelers, hobbyists, tinkerers, and geeks of all types.
I can’t remember a day where I didn’t wish I had a pocket microscope
Lie detector game:
The victim... we mean "player" begins by slipping his hand into the special, ergonomic hand mold. There's a strong handstrap that makes certain the player has formed a reliable bond with the Lie Detector. (and to keep him from escaping)
When you start the make, it makes suspenseful pulsing noises and light flash, telling you it means business. You begin your interrogation by asking a series of "control questions." These are questions that are easy to answer truthfully and helps the machine establish a personal truth level for the player.
Then the kid gloves come off... Ask what you want to know.
At first, the player might be able to trick the Lie Detector. But the longer you play, the more skilled the Detector will become at distinguishing lies from truth.
And when it realizes the player is lying -- ZAP!
Sounds like fun.
St. Isidore:
SAINT ISADORE
The Patron Saint of the Internet
Who was Saint Isadore? Way back in the 6th Century, he put together a 20-volume reference book titled "The Etymologies." It was the internet of its day, enlightening thousands over the centuries. (It's now a division of Microsoft.)
The St. Isadore Statue is not some cheap plastic novelty, mind you. It is a magnificent work of hand-painted ceramic, standing 7 inches tall with remarkable detail. He holds a metal shepherd's staff as he studies a holy text. Look at the pensive expression on St. Isadore's face -- You can almost hear him thinking, "All my good deeds and I wind up on Stupid.com? God, are you testing me?"
To avoid excommunication I need to mention these statues should only be purchased and given to Catholics in good standing.
Last minute
If you have an environmentalist friend and you don’t know what to get them and the clock’s ticking, build them a Lego sculpture of a tire fire:
Write on the card you entering a sacred pack with them and that you promise to never start, build, fuel or fail to extinguish a tire fire. It's simple and you might even have the necessary parts lying around the house. (and yes, I thought it was a stupid idea when I wrote it down but I'm in too deep)
Click to give:
The Rainforest Site is dedicated to the preservation of rainforests around the world. Your daily click funds the purchase of rainforest land by The Nature Conservancy, The Rainforest Conservation Fund, The World Parks Endowment, and Rainforest2Reef. These organizations work to preserve rainforest land in Ecuador, Mexico, Peru, Paraguay and other locations worldwide.
On average, over 35,500 individuals from around the world visit the site each day to click the green "Click Here to Give - it's FREE" button. To date, more than 150 million visitors have preserved more than 40,500 acres of land.
Yes, it’s that easy: sit on but, click stuff, save planet. Send a letter to a friend telling them you devoted an entire day at the cubicle clicking on these ads (in lieu of working) especially for them.
Plant Trees (by proxy):
Since 1989, Trees for the Future has been helping communities around the world plant trees. Through seed distribution, agroforestry training, and our country programs, we have empowered rural groups to restore tree cover to their lands. Planting trees protects the environment and helps to preserve traditional livelihoods and cultures for generations.
Our mission and history demonstrate how dedicated we are to sustainable agroforestry.
They’ve planted tens of millions of trees. You can buy or send tree related certificates which prove to others you care about how they care about trees.
Finally, you can make your friend one of these earrings:
Complete instructions for making these “iterative algorithmic Fimo plastic fractal sculptures” are on the website I linked to. If nothing else, this gift makes you look smarter than you are.
That's it for this year folks.
Merry Christmas!
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